Published 13 December 2021 in Artist Stories
In the year after Niki's son, Dustin, passed away, she turned to art as a way of processing her experience.
Poetry and Photography became outlets for my grief/my love and loss of him and containers and outlets for my anguish and disbelief. What came about is what I now call 'The Addiction Series'.
The first painting was "The Veil", inspired by Dustin's own poetry, this is Niki's effort to capture his "Angel Wings"; the second, "The Last Night" , was inspired by her heart-wrenching ache to capture, on some level, the night her son physically disappeared from her world. Paintings three, "The Dark" and four, "Pain" are expressions of Niki embodying her son and feeling the darkness and the pain of his Opiod Dependence.
The final painting is "Grief", it speaks of grief beyond her own. About it she says:
I found a similar painting on line one evening and immediately became inconsolable...everything about it spoke to me...it was me...
I decided right then I had to try and make it my own...but how?
I didn't think I could do it... One night I had to do something... I was alone and needed an outlet for my emotion...
I thought, what can I loose?... I'll try... I got started... I harnessed the zone and it took me two hours to complete...
It portrays my grief...
The depth of my grief...
The canvas weeps with me...
The grief of loosing my Son...
The grief of my shoulda, woulda coulda's and what if's...
But more so...
I Grieve...
My son's Grief...
His losses...
His shoulda, woulda, coulda's and what if's...
His physical pain...
His shame...
His loss of self...
And the heart wrenching stigma He endured...
Simple words...like...
Addict. Junkie. Clean. Choice.
Mental Illness. Use.
He was stigmatized by these words... contributing to his ongoing use...
He was told he needed to get "Clean."..
Insinuating he was something "Dirty"...
Please let's simply call it Sobriety.
Hurtfull, Soul crushing words...
Stigma...
He like many, was diagnosed with one or more "Mental Illnessess"... Which is the health of the brain...
The brain is not well...
"Brain Health"...
Let's call it that...
Instead of stigmatising more with a description like "Mental illness!"
Dustin Misused Drugs...
He was not a criminal for misusing drugs...
But was treated as one...
Drug Misuse is a disease...
And should be treated as such...
Instead...
Mainstream considers it a Choice...
To use or not to use...
No one Chooses a life of addiction...
Ask someone who misuses Alcohol...
An accepted and recognized disease called Alcoholism...
One won't die...
If they "Fall Off The Wagon" (what a nice little saying in comparison to "Relapse"...) and use...
because prohibition on alcohol...
was replaced with Safe Supply...
This Painting 5 years later... Represents my on going Grief...
Everyday I Grieve...
The 7 Canadians who die of overdose...
The 7 preventable deaths...
The 7 families thrown into Grief...
I Grieve for the generation of talented, intelligent young people being wiped out by outdated drug laws...
I Grieve 5 years after the Government declared The Opiod Crisis a Health Emergency...
And yet the numbers have doubled every year since...
My painting should rightfully be Titled "Anguish"
My Son and so many loved ones would be alive today if it wasn't for...
Outdated Drug Policies...
The WAR on Drugs is an Epic failure.
10 families in Canada will be thrown into Grief everyday...
In as short as 6 months...
If drug policies do not change...
A Country in "Grief"